Parenthood

It’s been a long time since I’ve written anything about Dulce Refugio, our safe house; since that is a large part of what I do here, I’ll fill you in a bit on the joys and struggles of pretending to be a parent.

When I moved here, God surprised me with the opportunity to live in our refuge for young ladies and serve as the in-house supervisor (along with my co-supervisor and occasional keeper-of-my-sanity, Yulema). For those of you who don’t know, it’s a house for girls who have lived in abusive situations or have been abandoned and need a place to go. Our goal is to provide them with the opportunity to continue their education or job training with a safe place to live, enough food to eat, a healthy/loving environment and maybe a few life lessons along the way.

As of now we have 3 girls living in the house, not including supervisors. Living with them has been a huge blessing for me, and I have learned more about parenting teenage girls than I may have cared to learn without having my own children.. I’ve also learned a lot from their stories about “first world problems” and counting my blessings.

I really believe God has blessed this ministry. I can see them changing, and that really is one of the coolest things I've gotten to witness. They are maturing and growing spiritually, and I love that God is allowing me to be part of the work He is doing with them!

With that being said, here are some observations I’ve made about parenting:

1.                    My name (actually “Barbie” as I am frequently called) being yelled outside of my door in the middle of the night means one of two things: a fight that couldn’t be resolved, or vomit. I do not have a preference.

2.                    Consequences ARE harder for the parent than for the child, but mainly because of the amount of effort it takes to enforce them.

3.                    God gives you babies first, not because they’re small enough to deliver, but because they’re cute and can’t talk back.

4.                    There is a fine line between being a parent and being an enabler. 

5.                    It IS possible to love these little humans (or in my case, girls that are only 5-7 years younger than I am) even when they’re being incredibly difficult/frustrating.

6.                    The silent treatment is NOT the worst response you can get from an upset child. (Not saying it’s healthy, just saying.. honestly, there are worse things)

7.                    Sometimes it seems you should let your child face the consequences of waiting until the last minute to finish a project, and sometimes it seems appropriate to help so she isn’t up until 4 a.m., and I have no idea how to decipher.

8.                    Getting signed up for high school, collecting supplies and uniforms, and keeping up with grades is much more difficult than I anticipated.

9.                    The phrase, “Poor planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine” has become my mantra (translated to Spanish, of course.. wisdom from my very intelligent friend Kate:).

10.                The moments of bliss, expressions of gratitude, and actions that show growth make all of the difficult moments in between worth it.

11.                Perhaps more than anything: occasionally when I open my mouth my mother’s voice spills out, and it doesn’t even make me nervous.

            Living with and “mentoring” these girls is simultaneously the most challenging and the most rewarding part of my job in Honduras. I pray a lot, asking God for guidance, wisdom, and words (the Spanish ones) that I need, so that I can be what these girls need while they’re in the program.

            I am more thankful than ever for two parents that love God, love each other, and love my sister and me. I am fortunate to have parents that show us what it means to love your family in all circumstances. They taught us that discipline comes from love and not anger, because you want your child to reach their potential. Most importantly, they taught us about a God that loves us no matter what. They taught us how to handle conflict, manage money, and make decisions. (Not that I always do those things correctly, but they did their best to teach me how!)  These are just some of the lessons that I’ve realized parents try to impart, and Yulema and I are doing our best to do the same with these girls. 

            Although I do consider the similarities between my life and that of Mrs. Hannigan from Annie at least weekly, I love my girls and am pretty sure that I am learning more than they are from this set-up. Prayers for all of us are appreciated as Yulema and I continue to learn how to parent with other people’s children.. and hope that our trial and error doesn't have too many bad implications in the end:)